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part 4-第2章

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she looked out on the ocher…colored slope that ran down















several hundred feet to the stream; and this hot rock was



sparsely grown with dwarf trees。  Their colors were so pale



that the shadows of the little trees on the rock stood out



sharper than the trees themselves。  When Thea first came;



the chokecherry bushes were in blossom; and the scent of



them was almost sickeningly sweet after a shower。  At the



very bottom of the canyon; along the stream; there was a



thread of bright; flickering; golden…green;cottonwood



seedlings。  They made a living; chattering screen behind



which she took her bath every morning。







     Thea went down to the stream by the Indian water



trail。  She had found a bathing…pool with a sand bottom;



where the creek was damned by fallen trees。  The climb



back was long and steep; and when she reached her little



house in the cliff she always felt fresh delight in its com…



fort and inaccessibility。  By the time she got there; the



woolly red…and…gray blankets were saturated with sun…



light; and she sometimes fell asleep as soon as she stretched



her body on their warm surfaces。  She used to wonder at



her own inactivity。  She could lie there hour after hour in



the sun and listen to the strident whir of the big locusts;



and to the light; ironical laughter of the quaking asps。  All



her life she had been hurrying and sputtering; as if she



had been born behind time and had been trying to catch



up。  Now; she reflected; as she drew herself out long upon



the rugs; it was as if she were waiting for something to



catch up with her。  She had got to a place where she was



out of the stream of meaningless activity and undirected



effort。







     Here she could lie for half a day undistracted; holding



pleasant and incomplete conceptions in her mindalmost



in her hands。  They were scarcely clear enough to be called



ideas。  They had something to do with fragrance and color



and sound; but almost nothing to do with words。  She was



singing very little now; but a song would go through her



head all morning; as a spring keeps welling up; and it was















like a pleasant sensation indefinitely prolonged。  It was



much more like a sensation than like an idea; or an act of



remembering。  Music had never come to her in that sensu…



ous form before。  It had always been a thing to be struggled



with; had always brought anxiety and exaltation and cha…



grinnever content and indolence。  Thea began to won…



der whether people could not utterly lose the power to



work; as they can lose their voice or their memory。  She



had always been a little drudge; hurrying from one task to



anotheras if it mattered!  And now her power to think



seemed converted into a power of sustained sensation。  She



could become a mere receptacle for heat; or become a color;



like the bright lizards that darted about on the hot stones



outside her door; or she could become a continuous repeti…



tion of sound; like the cicadas。



























                                III











     THE faculty of observation was never highly developed



in Thea Kronborg。  A great deal escaped her eye as



she passed through the world。  But the things which were



for her; she saw; she experienced them physically and re…



membered them as if they had once been a part of herself。



The roses she used to see in the florists' shops in Chicago



were merely roses。  But when she thought of the moon…



flowers that grew over Mrs。 Tellamantez's door; it was as



if she had been that vine and had opened up in white flow…



ers every night。  There were memories of light on the sand



hills; of masses of prickly…pear blossoms she had found in



the desert in early childhood; of the late afternoon sun pour…



ing through the grape leaves and the mint bed in Mrs。



Kohler's garden; which she would never lose。  These recol…



lections were a part of her mind and personality。  In Chicago



she had got almost nothing that went into her subconscious



self and took root there。  But here; in Panther Canyon;



there were again things which seemed destined for her。







     Panther Canyon was the home of innumerable swallows。



They built nests in the wall far above the hollow groove in



which Thea's own rock chamber lay。  They seldom ven…



tured above the rim of the canyon; to the flat; wind…swept



tableland。  Their world was the blue air…river between the



canyon walls。  In that blue gulf the arrow…shaped birds



swam all day long; with only an occasional movement of



the wings。  The only sad thing about them was their tim…



idity; the way in which they lived their lives between the



echoing cliffs and never dared to rise out of the shadow of



the canyon walls。  As they swam past her door; Thea often



felt how easy it would be to dream one's life out in some



cleft in the world。



















     From the ancient dwelling there came always a dignified;



unobtrusive sadness; now stronger; now fainter;like



the aromatic smell which the dwarf cedars gave out in the



sun;but always present; a part of the air one breathed。



At night; when Thea dreamed about the canyon;or in



the early morning when she hurried toward it; anticipating



it;her conception of it was of yellow rocks baking in



sunlight; the swallows; the cedar smell; and that peculiar



sadnessa voice out of the past; not very loud; that went



on saying a few simple things to the solitude eternally。







     Standing up in her lodge; Thea could with her thumb



nail dislodge flakes of carbon from the rock roofthe



cooking…smoke of the Ancient People。  They were that



near!  A timid; nest…building folk; like the swallows。  How



often Thea remembered Ray Kennedy's moralizing about



the cliff cities。  He used to say that he never felt the hard…



ness of the human struggle or the sadness of history as he



felt it among those ruins。  He used to say; too; that it made



one feel an obligation to do one's best。  On the first day



that Thea climbed the water trail she began to have intui…



tions about the women who had worn the path; and who



had spent so great a part of their lives going up and down



it。  She found herself trying to walk as they must have



walked; with a feeling in her feet and knees and loins which



she had never known before;which must have come up



to her out of the accustomed dust of that rocky trail。  She



could feel the weight of an Indian baby hanging to her



back as she climbed。







     The empty houses; among which she wandered in the



afternoon; the blanketed one in which she lay all morning;



were haunted by certain fears and desires; feelings about



warmth and cold and water and physical strength。  It



seemed to Thea that a certain understanding of those



old people came up to her out of the rock shelf on



which she lay; that certain feelings were transmitted to her;



suggestions that were simple; insistent; and monotonous;















like the beating of Indian drums。  They were not expressi…



ble in words; but seemed rather to translate themselves



into attitudes of body; into degrees of muscular tension or



relaxation; the naked strength of youth; sharp as the sun…



shafts; the crouching timorousness of age; the sullenness of



women who waited for their captors。  At the first turning



of the canyon there was a half…ruined tower of yellow



masonry; a watch…tower upon which the young me
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